Today I want to talk about something most of us probably spend a fair bit of time doing, looking at our phones.

I promise this isn’t another post telling you to delete all your social media apps. We’re keeping things realistic here. I mean, let’s be honest, our phones are useful. We use them to keep in touch with family and friends, find information, share things we care about, and, yes, watch the occasional video that makes us laugh when we probably should be doing something else. But have you ever picked up your phone because you wanted a break, scrolled for twenty minutes, and then put it down feeling more tired than you did before?

I’ve done that. Sometimes I open Instagram and, honestly, I feel exhausted before I’ve even looked at anything. There’s just so much to take in. Photos, videos, messages, news, other people’s lives, and just when you think you’re done, there’s always something else.

So today, I want to talk about why that might be happening, how social media can affect the way we feel about ourselves, and why being online can be mentally tiring even when we’re enjoying it. There’s also another side I want to get into, too. What happens when we’re not just scrolling through other people’s lives, but sharing our own as well? Because I think there’s more to this conversation than we sometimes realize.

When someone else’s life starts looking better than yours

I was talking to a friend recently who’d been feeling stressed and a little down. As we talked, she shared how much she had been comparing her life to what she was seeing on social media. She’d look at other people’s posts and see their homes, their holidays, their families, all the things they seemed to be doing, and when you’re already having a difficult time, it’s easy to look at those snapshots and start feeling as though your own life doesn’t measure up.

I think a lot of us can understand that feeling.

When we’re in a good place, we might see someone’s holiday photos and think, “Oh, that looks lovely.” But when we’re stressed, tired, or unhappy about something in our own lives, that same photo can make us think, “Why am I not doing that? Why does everyone else seem to have it together?” Then suddenly, we’re comparing.

The funny thing is, we already know social media doesn’t show the whole picture. We know people choose what they post. We’re not seeing the arguments, the stressful mornings, the bills, or all the ordinary things that happen when the camera is off. But knowing that doesn’t always stop us from feeling something when we look at those posts and I want to put some attention to it.

There’s actually a term for this: social comparison. It’s something we naturally do. We look at other people to help us make sense of our own lives, our achievements, and where we fit in. Social media just gives us an almost endless supply of people to compare ourselves with, and the comparisons aren’t always fair, are they? We’re comparing our whole lives, with all the messy and complicated bits, to a few carefully selected moments from someone else’s. It’s like comparing your kitchen on a Monday morning, with breakfast dishes still in the sink, to someone’s beautifully styled kitchen photo. You’re not even comparing the same thing. When we’re already feeling low, those comparisons can make us feel even worse.

Now, I’m not saying that seeing other people’s lives is always a bad thing. Sometimes it’s inspiring. We find new ideas, learn something, or feel connected to someone going through a similar experience. But there’s a difference between being inspired by someone and feeling that your own life isn’t good enough.

If you regularly come away from social media feeling inadequate, envious, or unhappy with yourself, you might want to ask yourself why you keep going back. You don’t have to keep following something just because everyone else does.

Your brain is taking in a lot more than you think

So comparison is only one part of it. Let’s talk about the sheer amount of information we’re taking in every day.

Think about what happens when you open an app. You might start by looking at a friend’s photos. Then you see a recipe, a news story, a funny video, a post about health, and maybe something that reminds you of a conversation you had yesterday. You’ve gone from one topic to another, and then another, in just a few minutes.

Some things make you laugh. Some make you think. Some might upset you. Others remind you of all the things you should apparently be doing to improve your life like eating better, exercising more, sleep earlier, buy this product and suddenly, your little break leaves you feeling more wound up than before.

Our brains have to process information, shift attention, and decide what’s worth paying attention to. Even when the content is enjoyable, constantly switching between topics can be mentally demanding.

Then we add the notifications. You’re making dinner, and your phone lights up. You’re talking to someone, and you check a message. You’re helping your child with something, and you quickly look at a notification. You go back to what you were doing, but your attention has already been pulled somewhere else. It’s a bit like trying to have a conversation while three other people are talking around you. You might manage for a while, but eventually you just want everyone to be quiet.

Sometimes we’re not physically exhausted. We’re mentally overloaded, and when we’re already dealing with stress, that extra input can feel like one more thing we have to manage.

Why is it so hard to put the phone down?

Now, here’s the part I think most of us can relate to. We pick up our phones and tell ourselves we’ll have a quick look. Twenty minutes later, you’re watching a video about something you weren’t even interested in when you started. How did that happen?

Social media feeds are designed to keep giving us something new. We don’t know what the next post will be. Maybe it’ll be funny, interesting, surprising, or something we really want to see, and every so often, we get a little reward. A message from a friend. A comment on something we shared. A video that makes us laugh. So we check again, and again. It’s a little like opening the fridge when you’re not really hungry. You’re not sure what you’re looking for, but somehow you keep going back.

Over time, checking our phones can become automatic. We’re bored, so we scroll. We’re stressed, so we scroll. We’re waiting for someone, so we scroll. Sometimes we do it without even realizing we’ve picked up the phone, and here’s what I find interesting. We might be reaching for our phones because we want to feel better, but what we actually need may be something completely different.

If we’re lonely, maybe we need to call a friend instead of scrolling through other people’s lives. If we’re overwhelmed, maybe we need a little quiet rather than more information, and if we’re exhausted, maybe we really do need to put the phone down and go to bed.

Like, I’m not saying we don’t use your phones to relax. Sometimes watching something funny or catching up with a friend is exactly what we need. But we should really be asking ourselves whether we’re enjoying the time we’re spending online or just filling every spare moment because we’ve become so used to doing it.

What if you’re the one posting, too?

So here’s the other side to social media that I want to talk about, because it’s something I’ve thought about myself.

What happens when we’re not just looking at other people’s lives, but sharing our own? Maybe you post family photos. Maybe you write about something you’ve experienced. Maybe you run a business or create content around something you’re passionate about.

You put time into a post. You choose a photo, write a caption, maybe spend an hour putting an article together and then you share it, and you wait. Sometimes people respond, and it’s lovely. Someone leaves a thoughtful comment or sends you a message telling you that something you shared really resonated with them. Other times, there’s very little response, and it’s hard not to notice. You might start wondering whether anyone saw your post, whether the caption was too long, or whether you should have done something differently.

I think this can be especially difficult when you’ve shared something that actually means something to you. I’ve thought about this myself when sharing longer captions or writing about personal experiences. Sometimes I wonder how many people actually stop to read the words behind a photo. Because a picture might catch someone’s eye, but the caption might be where the real story is.

I know people are busy. I know social media moves quickly, and I don’t expect everyone to read everything I share. But I also think about how much can be missed when we’re all scrolling so quickly. The people who do take the time to read, respond, and share their own experiences can make the whole thing worthwhile. Sometimes one thoughtful message means more than dozens of quick reactions, thats why I always make time to read captions and to write something,

It’s so easy to get caught up in the numbers. The likes, comments, views and followers. We can start using those numbers to decide whether something was worth sharing, or even whether people care about what we have to say. But we don’t actually know the whole story from those numbers. Someone might read your post, relate to it, and never leave a comment. Someone else might save it and come back to it later, and a post that gets a lot of attention doesn’t necessarily mean the connection behind it is meaningful.

I think it’s fine to want people to read our work. Most of us share because we want to connect with someone. But if we’re checking our phones repeatedly to see whether people have responded, and our mood starts to depend on what we find, it might be time to step back. We can enjoy sharing without letting the numbers decide how we feel about ourselves.

Could social media be affecting your mood and sleep?

So what does the research say about all of this? Well, it’s not as simple as saying social media is bad for everyone.

For some people, online communities offer friendship, support, and a sense of belonging. They can be especially valuable when someone feels isolated or wants to connect with people who understand what they’re going through. But certain patterns of use can also contribute to comparison, stress, and feelings of inadequacy. It also depends on the person, the content they’re seeing, and how they’re using social media.

Sleep is another area to look into. Have you ever planned to go to bed at a reasonable time, only to find yourself scrolling much later than intended? We’ve probably all done it. When we’re looking at interesting, emotional, or stimulating content, it can be harder to wind down. Scrolling can delay bedtime, and screen light may also affect the body’s natural sleep signals, depending on when and how we’re using our devices. Then we wake up tired, have less energy to deal with the day, and perhaps find ourselves reaching for our phones again when we’re feeling overwhelmed. It can become a cycle.

Attention is another thing to think about. If we’re constantly switching between our phones and whatever we’re doing, it can become harder to give one task our full attention. But I want to be clear about something. We can’t blame every difficult day on our phones. Work, family responsibilities, relationships, financial worries, hormonal changes, and poor sleep can all affect how we feel.

Social media is one part of the picture, not the whole picture. So rather than asking only, “How much time am I spending on my phone?” I think there’s another useful question. “How do I feel after I’ve been on it?” Do you feel connected, entertained, or inspired? Or do you often come away feeling anxious, distracted, inadequate, or mentally drained? Your answer might tell you more than the number of hours on your screen.

Do we need a social media detox?

You might have seen people announce that they’re deleting their apps, taking a break, or stepping away from social media for a while, and sometimes, a break really can help. You might find that you have more time for other things, feel less distracted, or notice that you’re comparing yourself to others less often. But research on social media breaks has produced mixed results. Some people report improvements in well-being, while others notice little difference. Taking a break doesn’t automatically make the stresses in our lives disappear.

If we’re worried about work, dealing with family responsibilities, or going through a difficult time, those concerns don’t vanish when we close an app. But stepping away can give us some breathing room, especially if we’re spending a lot of time looking at content that leaves us feeling worse, and a break doesn’t have to mean deleting every account. I know some people do that, and if it works for them, great. But I don’t think it’s necessary for everyone. To each their own, right?

We can start small. Turn off notifications we don’t need. Leave our phones outside the bedroom. Take a break from certain accounts. Give ourselves some time each day when we’re not checking social media. The goal isn’t to prove we can live without our phones, and to see whether changing our habits helps us feel better.

A few small changes you can try

So, what can we actually do?

First, pay attention to the accounts you’re following. If certain posts consistently leave you feeling inadequate or unhappy with your own life, consider muting or unfollowing them. You don’t have to keep looking at content that makes you feel worse. Second, turn off notifications that don’t need your immediate attention. Not every like, comment, or app update requires you to stop what you’re doing. You can check your messages when it suits you.

Third, before opening an app, pause for a second and ask yourself why you’re reaching for your phone. Are you checking something specific? Looking for a recipe? Catching up with a friend? Or have you picked it up out of habit? There’s nothing wrong with scrolling for fun. Just notice when it becomes automatic. Fourth, make some room for phone-free time. It could be during meals, while you’re having a conversation, or for the first part of your morning. Leave your phone in another room while you cook, go for a walk without checking it, or sit with your coffee without immediately opening an app. Finally, if you create content yourself, think about why you’re sharing it.

It’s normal to want people to see your posts and respond, but try not to make likes and comments the only measure of whether something was worthwhile. You might have helped someone who never responded. You might have shared something meaningful even if it didn’t reach as many people as you’d hoped, and it’s okay to take a break when posting starts to feel like an obligation.

As I mentioned in one of my previous posts, you don’t have to turn every part of your life into content.

Coming back to our own lives

I keep thinking about that conversation with my friend.

She was already feeling stressed and down, and looking at other people’s lives was making her feel worse about her own. I think that’s something we need to be mindful of, because when we’re having a difficult time, it’s easy to look outward and start comparing ourselves to everyone else. But we rarely know the full story behind someone else’s life, just as they don’t know the full story behind ours.

We all have different circumstances, responsibilities, and things we’re working through. Our lives aren’t supposed to look the same.

We don’t need to keep up with everyone. I don’t think social media is something we need to feel guilty about using. There are good people, useful information, and meaningful connections to be found online. But I do think it’s worth being honest with ourselves about how it makes us feel. If you notice that you’re regularly comparing your life to someone else’s, take a step back.

If you’re scrolling because you’re stressed, ask yourself whether it’s helping, and if you put your phone down and still feel mentally exhausted, maybe give yourself a little time away from all that input.

Go for a walk. Make something to eat. Call a friend. Sit outside with a cup of coffee. Or do absolutely nothing for a few minutes. You don’t need to fill every quiet moment.

If you’re feeling persistently low or overwhelmed, don’t assume social media is the only reason. Talking to someone you trust or seeking professional support can help you work through what’s going on. Sometimes we need more than a change in our phone habits.

I want to leave you with one thought.

The next time you catch yourself comparing your life to someone else’s, remember that you’re seeing only a small part of their story. You don’t know what happens when the camera is off, and you don’t need to measure your own life against what appears on a screen.

Your life is happening, too. Right here, in all its ordinary, messy, wonderful, and sometimes difficult moments.

So maybe the next time you reach for your phone, take a second and ask yourself what you actually need.

Maybe you want to connect with someone. Maybe you’re looking for something interesting, or maybe you just need a break. If what you really need is a little quiet, put the phone down. Go outside. Have that coffee. Talk to someone. Go touch some grass, as my kids say.

If something in today’s post resonated with you, I’d love for you to take a moment to think about your own phone habits. Not to judge yourself, but just to notice how they affect you.