Perimenopause can feel like your body suddenly has a mind of its own. Hot flashes, 3 a.m. wake-ups, brain fog that has you walking into a room and forgetting why you went in there. It’s a lot. And while there’s no single fix for any of it, I wanted to share something that’s been part of my own routine, a simple four-ingredient tea rooted in traditions I grew up with.

A quick note before we get into it: I’m not a TCM doctor. My understanding of these ingredients comes from learning from my mom and guidance from my own practitioners. These ingredients have real medicinal properties, so this isn’t something to over-consume. They’re not dangerous, but they are powerful. Think of it as something passed down, from my home to yours, not something meant to replace personalized care.

Nourish, Cool, and Calm: The Core Ingredients

When perimenopause started making itself known, my doctor reminded me of a four-ingredient blend that has been a staple in my family for generations. Each ingredient has a specific job:

Ingredient	What it Does (The TCM View)	Perimenopause Target
Goji Berries	Nourishes Liver & Kidney Yin	Dry eyes, night sweats, and “internal heat.”
Dates (Jujubes)	Tonifies Blood & Qi	Fatigue, mood swings, and general vitality.
Lily Bulbs	Clears Heart Heat	Insomnia, restlessness, and irritability.
Poria	Calms the Spirit	Anxiety, “brain fog,” and mild bloating.

Red vs. Black Dates: Why It Matters

I used to grab red dates just from the supermarket because they’re easier to find. But when my hot flashes started getting more intense, my practitioner suggested switching to black dates. In TCM, red dates are warm and tonifying, which can sometimes intensify heat signs like night sweats if overused. My practitioner recommended black dates instead, they undergo steaming and smoking, making them a stronger blood nourisher with a more targeted, gentle warming effect that better suits my heat-related symptoms without aggravating them as much. For both varieties, quality really does make a difference, so whenever you can, it’s worth picking them up from a proper herb store rather than the supermarket.

Listening to Your Body

One of the most helpful things my TCM doctor taught me is that what your body needs can shift day to day. The base of the tea stays the same, but small adjustments can make it feel more supportive depending on how you’re feeling.

If the heat feels a bit more active, you can add 3–5 dried white chrysanthemum flowers. White chrysanthemum is the gentler one, more cooling and soothing. I usually reach for it when I feel a bit overstimulated, dried out, or have that tight, head-heavy feeling.

There’s also yellow chrysanthemum, which is stronger and more bitter. That one’s typically used when heat feels more pronounced, like a flushed face or sore throat. For most perimenopause days, she suggested I stick with the white.

If you’re feeling bloated, adding a small piece of aged tangerine peel (chen pi) can help. In TCM, it’s used to support digestion and reduce that heavy, stuck feeling, especially when there are richer or sweeter ingredients involved. If brain fog feels heavier, you can swap lily bulbs for dried longan fruit. Longan is traditionally used to support the heart and calm the mind, and some people find it helps with that foggy, tired feeling. It is considered more warming though, so I tend to skip it when hot flashes are more active. And if sleep feels off, sour date seeds (Suan Zao Ren) are often used in TCM for calming the mind and supporting rest. They’re different from regular dates, they’re small seeds that are usually crushed or prepared as part of a blend.

Why Quality Matters (Where to Shop)

My tip to you: skip the snack aisle at a regular Asian grocery store. The ingredients you’ll find there are usually fine for cooking or snacking, but they’re not always the best quality for this kind of use. A dedicated Chinese herb store is where you’ll find ingredients that are properly sourced and handled.

Black dates sold as a snack are often lower quality or on the sweeter side. At an herb store they tend to be better processed and handled with more care. For Poria, look for clean white chalk-like cubes or slices, if they look grey or dusty, keep walking.

My Spleen & Spirit Tea Recipe

This is a gentle, nourishing brew. Nothing complicated.

Single serving:

• 5–8g Poria (about 4–5 dried slices)
• 10g dried lily bulbs (one small handful)
• 1 tbsp goji berries
• 2–3 black dates (herb store grade)

Method:

Start by slicing the dates in half and removing the pits. In TCM, the pit can contribute to more heat in the body, so removing it keeps the tea balanced and helps the nutrients release into the water. Give everything a quick rinse under cold water, then place it all in a pot with 3 cups of water. Bring to a boil, then reduce the heat and simmer for 20–30 minutes. Poria is a hard medicinal fungus and needs time to release its properties. Drink it warm, cold liquids can be harder on the digestive system. The lily bulbs and goji berries soften as they simmer and are completely edible, so I usually eat them at the end so nothing goes to waste.

If you’re dealing with more internal heat, some practitioners may suggest going lighter on goji berries, or skipping them altogether for a while. In TCM, they’re generally considered nourishing, but depending on your body pattern, they can sometimes feel a bit too warming.

That was something my practitioner mentioned to me, and it’s also something I noticed in my own body when my hot flashes were more active. On those days, less or none felt better.

Keeping Your Ingredients Fresh

Since you’re buying good-quality ingredients from an herb store, you want to make sure they stay potent and don’t spoil. Here is how I keep mine:

• Goji Berries: The fridge is best. Goji berries have a high natural sugar content and can get “clumpy” or oxidize (turn dark brown) if left in a warm pantry. I keep mine in a glass jar in the fridge; they stay bright red and individual that way.
• Dates (Red or Black): Cool and dry. Because black dates are so soft and jammy, the fridge is their best friend. It keeps that texture and prevents the natural sugars from crystallizing on the skin. It also stops them from fermenting if the kitchen gets a bit warm during a busy afternoon of cooking. For the red ones, these are naturally hardier and more leathery. It’s okay to keep them in the pantry where they are visible and easy to grab whenever you need to toss a few into a tea or a simmering soup to support your energy.
• Poria & Lily Bulbs: These are the most sensitive to moisture. If they get damp, they can develop mold quickly. Store them in a glass jar with a tight seal. If you live somewhere humid, throwing a small food-grade silica packet in the jar is a lifesaver.
• The “Sniff Test”: High-quality herbs should always smell earthy or slightly sweet. If your Poria or Lily Bulbs ever smell sour or “musty,” it’s time to compost them and head back to the herb store.

A Few Things to Keep in Mind

I usually have one cup a day or every other day. If you’re on blood thinners or diabetes medication, check with your doctor before adding this in. Perimenopause is a long game, small, consistent habits tend to be more useful than big overhauls.

Simply Salt & Soul

The Salt (The Science): We often talk about moisturizing the skin, but in the transition to perimenopause, we really need to focus on internal hydration. As estrogen levels dip, our mucosal membranes and tissues can become drier and more prone to “heat.” Goji berries and dates contain potassium and magnesium, which may help support fluid balance and heart health as hormones shift. Poria contains natural compounds called triterpenoids that may help calm the nervous system and ease inflammation. By simmering them, you’re drawing out what’s in the ingredients in a way your body can actually use.

The Soul (The Wellness): There’s something grounding about standing at the stove and tending to a pot. The small steps, slicing, simmering, watching it come together, it connects me back to what I grew up with. During a transition like perimenopause, when so much feels out of your control, small rituals like this can be surprisingly steadying. Sometimes it’s just the small, consistent things you come back to every day.

This post is for educational and informational purposes only and reflects my personal experience and family tradition. It is not medical advice. Please consult your doctor or a qualified TCM practitioner before making changes to your health routine, especially if you are on medication or managing a health condition.