My Experience with Postpartum Depressio, and What I Wish More People Knew
Motherhood is often talked about in a very specific way, the soft moments, the connection, the love you’re supposed to feel right away. And sometimes that is part of it. But there’s another side that doesn’t get talked about as much. The heaviness. The fog. That feeling of not quite recognizing yourself in the middle of it all.
Postpartum depression was part of my story. And later on, those same feelings showed up again in different ways. It’s not the easiest thing to talk about, but when you’re in it, it can feel incredibly isolating… and I think that’s why it matters to say it out loud.
What It Actually Felt Like
For me, it wasn’t just sadness.
It was going through the day, doing everything I was supposed to do, but not really feeling present in it. I could be holding my baby and still feel disconnected, like I was there physically but not fully there.
There was this constant heaviness that didn’t really lift, even on the days that were supposed to feel better. And the exhaustion… it wasn’t the kind that sleep fixed. Even when I rested, I still felt drained.
Simple things felt harder than they should have. Answering a message, making something to eat, getting out the door, it all took more effort. At the same time, I was also dealing with ongoing nerve pain. I don’t think I fully realized at the time how much that added to everything. When your body is already in pain, it takes energy just to get through the day. That doesn’t stay physical, it starts to affect how you feel mentally and emotionally too. And the brain fog… that part was hard. Forgetting things, losing my train of thought, not feeling like myself mentally. It made me question myself more than I’d like to admit.
I wanted to feel present. I wanted to enjoy those moments. I just couldn’t fully get there. And from the outside, it didn’t always look like anything was wrong.
What’s Happening In the Body?
After having a baby, your body goes through a huge shift.
Hormones that were high during pregnancy drop quickly after birth. On top of that, there’s broken sleep, physical recovery, learning how to care for a newborn, and the mental load that comes with it. That’s a lot for any system to handle. For some women, that combination can show up as a deeper emotional low that doesn’t just pass after a few days.
And something I wish more women heard sooner is that this doesn’t say anything about how much you love your baby, or what kind of mother you are. It’s your body and nervous system trying to adjust to a lot all at once.
What It Can Look Like
Sometimes it’s obvious, but a lot of the time it isn’t.
You might notice feeling low, numb, or overwhelmed more often than not. Or things you normally enjoy just don’t feel the same. For some, it shows up more as irritability, feeling on edge, snapping more easily, or reacting in ways that don’t feel like you.
Sleep can feel off too. Either you can’t fall asleep even when you’re exhausted, or you want to sleep all the time but still feel tired. Appetite can change. And there can be this underlying sense that something just feels… off, even if you can’t fully explain it.
If you’re looking at someone you love, it might show up as them pulling back, seeming more sensitive, or just not quite like themselves. It’s not always loud, but it’s usually felt.
When to Reach Out
If something feels off for a couple of weeks and doesn’t seem to be lifting, or if you feel like you’re just getting through the day instead of actually living it, that’s worth paying attention to. Reaching out doesn’t have to mean things are “bad enough.” It can simply mean you’re noticing what’s going on and not trying to carry it on your own.
That might look like talking to your doctor, connecting with someone to talk things through, or just saying to someone you trust, “I haven’t been feeling like myself lately.” Don’t wait until you’re at your lowest point to ask for support.
Supporting the Body and Mind
One thing I’ve come to understand, both personally and through my work, is that when your body is depleted, it’s so much harder to feel steady emotionally. And for me, that was even more true because I was also dealing with ongoing nerve pain at the time. When your body is constantly working through discomfort, it takes a lot out of you. That kind of physical strain doesn’t stay separate, it affects everything.
Nutrition isn’t the whole picture, but it can support you in a really practical way. Even small things can help, like eating regularly throughout the day, even if it’s something simple like toast with eggs or a quick bowl of oatmeal. Including protein and healthy fats can help keep your energy more stable, instead of those constant ups and downs.
Foods like salmon, walnuts, or flax can support brain function, and iron-rich foods can be helpful as your body recovers after birth. And honestly, even something as simple as keeping a water bottle nearby and taking a few sips throughout the day can make more of a difference than we realize.
There’s also another side to this.
When you’re feeling low, it can start to feel like you’ve lost connection with yourself a bit. In those moments, it’s not about trying to fix everything at once. It’s more about slowly finding your way back in small ways.
That might look like stepping outside for a few minutes, sitting quietly with a warm drink before the house wakes up, or just letting yourself feel what’s there instead of pushing it away. Sometimes it’s asking for help, even when that doesn’t come easily. These things seem small, but they tend to matter more than we realize.
Simply Salt & Soul
The Salt (The Science): When you’re feeling low, it’s not just emotional, your body is often depleted too. Hormonal shifts, lack of sleep, and inconsistent eating can leave your system feeling unsteady. Supporting your body can be simple and gentle: eating regularly, even if meals are basic, including protein and healthy fats to help with steady energy, and adding foods like salmon, walnuts, or flax for their omega-3 content to support brain function. Iron-rich foods can also help support energy, especially in the postpartum period. It’s not about doing everything perfectly—it’s about giving your body consistent support where you can.
The Soul (The Wellness): Depression can feel like a disconnection, from yourself, your emotions, and even the world around you. In those moments, the goal isn’t to force yourself to feel better, but to slowly reconnect. That might look like stepping outside for a few minutes of fresh air, sitting quietly with a warm drink, or allowing yourself to feel what’s there without judgment. Reaching out to someone you trust, even in a small way, can also help you feel a little less alone. There’s no need to rush the process, sometimes the gentlest moments are where the shift begins.